i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up under a house in Key West
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