So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
