she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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