Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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