He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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