I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
