You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
