recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
