she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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