It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
