I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
