i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
