youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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