evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
