I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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