i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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