Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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