I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
