I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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