I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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