the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
