Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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