I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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