Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
