I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
