look no pants
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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