man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
