I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
