If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Small penises have feelings too.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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