i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
