I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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