dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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