WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
