I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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