false alarm. still invincible.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
