i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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