I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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