It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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