Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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