i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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