thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
