I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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