So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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