Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Holy shit dude........stairs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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