I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
