and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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