Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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