3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
