Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize