I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Come share oat with me in your robe
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
