Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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