Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
