Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
