i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
