Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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