The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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