ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
