went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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