New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
