Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
